glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
