Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
