none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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