is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
