She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
