my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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