i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
