What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
