i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
