Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
