I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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