My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
