It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
