We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
