I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
