Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
