If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
