I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
