i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
