I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
