it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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