Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She even gives head with a lisp.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
