there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
