Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
birth control should be required to get into college
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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