I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
