I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
