Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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