Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
