he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
