I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
