eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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