I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
