Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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