I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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