Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
