im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
