sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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