when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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