I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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