So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
