4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
