Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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