The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
