Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
