hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
