i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
