My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
