I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
