come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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