ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
