So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
