Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
