Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
