So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
