I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
