tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
