i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
