I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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