I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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