Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
