I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
