I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
