She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
