The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize