my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
